Skewed columns from FRED, a monthly newsletter
published by the Worcester County Teachers
Association. Editor, Gwendolyn Lehman Skewed I really shouldn't be doing this because this
column isn't a way for me to earn retirement money
or anything, but I just have to share with you this
one thing I invented over the summer when I had
nothing to do but, you know, dream up ways to help
society and expand knowledge and repel irritants.
So, anyway, this souffle thingey I was trying to
make didn't work out and for some reason it just
sort of atomized right before my eyes and formed a
fine mist which I must have inadvertently inhaled
for suddenly I felt myself reeling toward the sofa
where I had left a Phi Delta Kappa magazine opened
to a long article on No Child Left Behind. As I
comfortably seated myself and regained my sense of
equilibrium, I found that I was smiling, and this
while staring right at a headline blazoned large
with the dreaded letters NCLB. I could not for the
life of me figure out why I was feeling so relaxed,
as losing one's sense of balance normally provokes
a feeling of acute disquiet, as does reading
anything purporting to be about No Child Left
Behind. Not only had I lost my balance, I was now
reading an article about the most pernicious piece
of educational legislation of the 21st century, and
I was immune to all of its negative effects. Could
it be? Was I being protected by the molecules of
imploding chocolate truffle souffle now coursing
through my veins in all their atomized splendor?
Well, the simple answer is yes. So I have converted
my kitchen to a temporary laboratory and I have
been making vats of this stuff and bottling it in
little tiny glass vials in the shape of an O and
selling it. A single spritz and you are protected
for four hours from the ill effects of No Child
Left wherever. This stuff has been selling like
hotcakes which is why we're now distributing it to
every IHOP between here and Albequerque.
Interested? Gwendolyn Lehman AUGUST O6
Gwendolyn Lehman